Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
