I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
