He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
