worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
