Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
