it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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