i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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