This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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