He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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