May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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