is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
