I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
