I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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