You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
