"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
