It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
