I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
