Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
