I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think people are normalizing furries
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
