The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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