Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
