We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
