Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
