we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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