big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
