so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
