Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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