2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.