How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.