like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here