Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
