Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
