So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
