Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
