i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
