I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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