is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
