So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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