Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
