does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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