So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
