could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
