she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
