I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
