Im at strip club and am horny
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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