Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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