i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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