She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
