I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
