Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
