My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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