we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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