No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
