oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
