There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
