I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
