Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
