My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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