Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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