I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
