i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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