Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I still have a little drunk in my system
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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