Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
