I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
