Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
