Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
