Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
